Infallible Freedom

I wouldn’t say I was a stranger to the gym and I had always been an athletic person. I've played everything from hockey, to women's tackle football to competitive paintball. But a few things happened. Sports slowed down from every day to once a week and then only in winter. I hit 30, and my metabolism went from lagging to a stall. And that one extra hard call every month or so hit like a jackhammer. But I wasn't ready to slow down, and over the years I realized how much I lacked the upper body strength needed to perform like I should. Especially when those 12 hours of relentless, callous labour hit at 2am. I joined a local gym and was consistent for several months until a severe kidney infection hospitalized me in 2015. My blood pressure sky rocketed and my doctor advised forfeiting my current gym membership until things leveled off. It took over a year for my kidneys to chill out and to get off medication completely. Our hall was fortunate enough to start a small gym earl...

I once read, "If you’ve got a problem with alcohol, the solution is easy. Just stop drinking. Because if your problem is with alcohol then when you stop, it will go away. But if you're truly an alcoholic, it's not that easy. Because when you stop drinking, the problem really begins.” And that's what my 2016 was. Dark. Dark and sober. I couldn't hide behind the whiskey anymore. I was exposed and destroyed. Anyone can hide. But no one can hide forever. And in hindsight, lucky for me it only took seven years to be found. I have a few people to thank but particularly the one who saved me that day. He knows who he is. Sometimes the brotherhood is dissonant. Sometimes they talk behind your back. But he approached me with concern and love and with a really harsh dose of reality. And I finally knew then if I kept going I would die. Or worse, kill someone else. So today is a good day. It's been almost 19 months since I took my last drink; alone and sobbing in the d...

The best moment of your life. Quick. Go. I've been asked that before. I've listened to other people's answers. It all depends on age really, how far you are in the typical timeline of life for the majority. Answers usually consist of things like; wedding day, birth of a child, moving out for the first time, a travelling experience. And while I see the joy in all those situations, from as far as I've come, one afternoon topped them all. I'm kind've a loner. Not because I don't want to be. I guess I was designed with a strong introvert personality. I like hanging out with friends, but my perfect day off would probably consist of taking myself out to lunch and a movie, then spending my evening on the couch with a rye and coke trying to up my Call of Duty rating. Yup, that's me. Anyway, that said, I had a wicked experience several years ago. I couldve been about 16. My mind doesn't really remember age or year particularly well. It wa...

Life. I love it. And I hate it at times. But I lace up my skates anyway cuz I'm blessed enough to own a pair. And somehow through the madness of my own doing, and the expectations of everyone else's, I'm still able to step out on that ice. "Keep your head up kid." I hear ringing in my ears from the Don Cherry story. "You don't want to get caught in the trolley tracks." Don, what a goon. But how many times had that been me. Caught in the past, not paying attention to my surroundings, the people around me. And suddenly I'm lying on my back with a wicked headache because I didn't look up. I didn't see the bigger picture. I felt like, as long as I trust that my feet will keep moving I'm fine. Another mistake. It's dark outside. And cold. But no wind so it's perfect. They already shut the lights off but I don't care. I'm alone with my thoughts and a smooth surface of glass. I wish I could see myself in it....

I'm so scared of falling I'm so scared of falling in love What makes this time any different Another dead end dreamer One more time I've tried One more gifted liar Do I jump or stay behind Left alone, alone inside Safer here with my heart intact If I give, will you hand it back I'm just scared how you will react If I jump and you step back Is this worth the heartache Photos burn in my hand Is this what it's like, taking chances Like an hourglass without sand One more broken goodbye One more strong man crying x I'm so scared of falling I'm so scared

I've been staring at the sun I'm the naive one This world has got to go But what do I know Is this the end of us, tonight Did the world just give up That's right I've been counting down from ten Not much time left then The space left in between That's what I mean Is this the way we fall, tonight Did the world try at all That's right